Let's Talk About Stress, Baby!
We all feel it. Lately, we feel it pretty much all the time. Stress is a physiological response to danger, and it is our very best defense against running from a wild animal, or lifting a car up off of a child. Stress alerts us that something isn’t right and sets off a cascade of chemicals in our bodies designed to help us escape immediate danger. And then, when said escape is successful, we are meant to return to a normal, stress free existence. And when we are in this mythical stress free existence, our bodies are able to function optimally, because they aren’t using all of our energy (qi), hormones, brain-power and strength to escape danger.
Unfortunately, modern society has really mucked this one up. Instead of having run-of-the-mill encounters with lions, followed by relaxing around the campfire, we are constantly stressed to some degree. Whether from work stress, financial stress, fertility stress, parenting stress or the ever-present pandemic stress, it’s pretty much a 24/7 proposition.
The problem with the modern stress-paradigm is that we really aren’t designed to toggle between sort-of-stressed and stressed-out-of-our-minds- indefinitely. Persistent stress has negative effects on our health, by increasing inflammation, keeping our nervous systems in a state of hyper-vigilance, diverting blood flow to our muscles and away from our organs (so we can be poised to run), increasing our heart rate, raising blood pressure, etc. Over time, this can begin to take a toll on all our health, even throwing hormones out of whack and impacting ovulation and cycle length.
Let’s be clear, though-- stress does not cause miscarriage and will not otherwise interrupt a healthy pregnancy. If you have suffered a pregnancy loss I am so sorry, and you didn’t do anything to cause it.
Figuring out how to manage stress isn’t easy, especially because so much of our stress response is rooted in childhood patterning and old traumas. And the truth is, stress is unavoidable, it’s part of daily life. But no matter how difficult, we all owe it to ourselves to learn how to recover as fully as possible from the stressors we encounter. I sometimes think we oversimplify things by going to yoga or getting a massage, but unless we are actively and consciously using those tools to bring our nervous system back to ground zero, it’s only doing part of the job.
Training yourself to recover from stress is a process, like training for a marathon or learning to meditate. Usually, we experience stressors throughout the day, and as they mount, our nervous system becomes more and more entrenched in it’s ‘fight or flight response’. This mounting stress is called the ‘allostatic load’. When the allostatic load is left to pile up, we end up having sleep disturbances, night time ‘wired’ feelings, irritability and fatigue. Often, we feel like the only way to regain equilibrium is by self medicating with alcohol or cannabis. And while those things have their place, they don’t belong in your life while you’re TTC, so we have to find other ways to manage the load.
My top tips for learning to manage your stress response:
Teeny-tiny, mini meditations: it doesn’t take much to remind your brain that there’s no actual lion on your tail. 30-60 seconds of breathing is enough to bring your brain back to a neutral state. Try box-breathing: inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4 and hold for 4. Repeat 5-10 times.
Eat regularly! Skipping meals or getting too hungry gives your nervous system a stress signal, as this part of your brain doesn’t know that you have a full fridge. Ensuring that there is a serving of fat and protein each time you eat is key to regulating your blood sugar and keeps you from having spikes of insulin, followed by hangry crashes throughout the day.
Prioritize sleep: chronic lack of sleep makes us feel foggy, stressed and irritable. Schedule sleep like any other activity, ensuring a minimum of 7-8 hours of actual sleeping time. That usually means getting into bed at least 30-45 minutes before you want to be sleeping and reading a paper book or listening to music or a calming podcast. Avoiding screens for at least 90 minutes before sleep is key to getting enough rest. Supplements like melatonin or Chinese herbs can be very helpful as well. Check in with me if you need help with sleep hygiene.
Talk it out. Whether with your partner, a trusted friend, a therapist or a care provider, talking through the challenges in your life goes an incredibly long way in helping your brain recover from stress. Utilizing modalities like acupuncture also helps your body to assimilate and move through held emotions, and to touch into that calm place in your nervous system that brings clarity of thought.
Have a daily practice, and be conscious about it. Whether through exercise, meditation or mindfulness, taking time each day to set a baseline of calm for your nervous system helps to set you up for success when it comes to managing your allostatic load throughout each day. As you are engaging in these activities, decide consciously to use the time to help your nervous system recover from any stress you are holding.
This is, of course, just the tip of the iceberg. We all deal with challenges of varying degrees on a daily basis, and our capacity to deal with them is often dictated by the way we learned to deal with stress and trauma early in life. It takes work, but it is possible to re-plasticize our brains, making way for a new paradigm that allows us to touch into that elusive stress free, “by the campfire” state of being on a regular basis. In truth, it’s from this place that our bodies are most capable of finding balance, health, and optimized fertility.
Join me on Monday, 2/1 at 11 am PST for a live talk on stress management. I’ll be teaching you some of my favorite quick re-sets for bringing stress levels way down on the go!